Boundary Waters….am I in Minnesota??

Are you into canoeing where you portage from lake to lake exploring the wilderness, about to face the unexpected and when you do, trying to figure out what to do?  Portaging is where you unload your canoe, carry your gear, paddles, and canoe and walk, hike, climb, until you reach the next point of water and then reload your canoe and keep on your merry way, via your canoeing adventure. Some live for this exciting way to travel by canoe, to see the un-chartered waters, and experience what the original explorers did, new places never experienced before.

Our lives are lived in these areas of our relationships that have the same kind of boundary water experiences.  Some of us just want to stay close to shore, never wandering beyond what we can easily see, because it is comforting there. We have always stayed close to shore.  Some of us act like explorers and test those boundaries, to the extreme, and others of us are trying to find that happy medium.  I think that for each of us, our journey and experiences take us to different places, during our lifetime.

For me I am testing the boundary waters, trying to figure out the channel to paddle down, all the while trying to figure how to keep from getting hurt, yet pushing myself beyond where I have been before.  I have often heard about people saying they wished they took more risks, and asked more questions.  I certainly have started living that way….taking more risks and asking more questions.  Actually, I always had the questions, just too afraid to ask.  I am starting to ask more, even if uncomfortable for me, because I need to change. I need to change some habits that ended up with unnecessary expectations, or lingering questions that when answered did not add up to what I conjured in my head. I certainly thought more about subjects than your average bear.

I have had a chance to do some real reflecting, taking an honest inventory as to why I am where I am.  What choices did I make and what were the results.  It’s not been fun, but it’s been real.  I did have opportunities to change some circumstances before but I chose feelings over truth. The truth will always be the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.  I’m human, just like everyone else, with feelings and emotions that don’t always add up.  What a ride it’s been.

Boundaries in relationships, everyone deals with them, and in my experience, everyone deals with them differently, or we wouldn’t have the f’d up world we do.  I’m not trying to be harsh, but if there were early lessons like in pre-school about boundaries, and taught through-out life during the early learning years, life would definitely had been different, at least for me.  I’m still learning as it turns out, even with my closest friends.  Growing up most of my closest friends were girls. Most would say what’s wrong with that, and the answer is, nothing. I had a lot of guy friends too, but let’s face it, I was interested in girls.

What I am trying to express, is that I am still trying to figure out the correct boundaries with people.  This requires communication, and there is no other way to determine what to do with co-workers, my boss, my subordinates, my family, my friends both women and men, and lovers.  Had I discussed boundaries more often, or deeper, in my relationships, I would not have faced as much hurt as I have, disappointments, unrealized expectations, wants, needs. etc.  Boundaries would have helped with all the great stuff too, the joys, the memories, but again my journey surely would have been altered and at what cost?  I am certainly experiencing the deeper waters of new adventures, pushing my boundaries further, asking more questions, getting subjects out front just to experience life differently.  Not more purposeful, but different. Breaking the mold of who I was, and becoming new in so many ways.  I still have a long way to go, but inside I am a happier person with some of the changes I have made in the last 10 months.  It’s not been easy, but what in life is?  I still have many challenges before me, and I am not out of the deep end yet.  I am looking forward to what is to be, what is around the next corner, but boundaries will certainly offer a safety zone, so that I don’t continually repeat some of the same mistakes of my past.

Boundaries have come up more frequently than in my recent past, but it has led to great discussions.  I feel more at peace with what is happening, and I owe it to myself to make a change.  What’s the definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Not me, I’m portaging to that next incredible lake, where I will explore new territories, are you with me?

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