X’s and Ohhhhs

My life has been turned upside down, sorta.  I have had to deal with ex’s and have found new meaning in ohhhhhs as in OMG.  I find myself in these unique circumstances and I’m not exactly sure how I got here. Does this sound confusing already??? Anyone who has had any kind of serious relationship knows what I am talking about when I say” I had to deal with the Ex again……”, because that scenario is like a merry-go-round in this journey called life.

My Ohhhhhhs have been of a different twist. As in OMG, on who I have met recently and trying to figure out what to do.  I’m not a “playa” by any stretch of the imagination, but I have found myself, in this quite large  city to be involved with individuals that are connected in a small circle of people.  I didn’t plan it that way, and I certainly didn’t hope that I would have to deal with what I have, but I have had to let two friends go, because I didn’t want to deal with pending drama.  My experiences with these ladies had been unique and quite different from each other in their likes, knowledge, education, outlook on life, and what they considered fun, and I was right there in the middle of it, trying to figure out which way was up, and which way should I go, because I really had no clue.  Neither of them fit my profile for a long-term relationship, I just wanted to enjoy the single life I find myself in, trying to manage my job, my budget, and my experiences.

In fact I review what my life has been, and I see failure, and rejection, and recently I found more interest and acceptance than what I have found in a long time, actually ever.  I think my turnaround has been the fact that I have pushed myself into situations that I was hesitant about following thru on, the rejection, and all the other feelings that are pushed out there.

I know everyone is different. I have friends that choose to view life through rose-colored glasses, rather than the pure light, and others that are focused on what was, rather than what is.  I faced some of that too, and I had to make a choice on what was my future to be.  I’m still unsure, and now even more so, since my ex has re-entered the picture.  Do you believe in 2nd chances, do you believe in Love at first sight, do you believe that everything happens for a reason, do you believe you can start over, do you believe…..

I struggle with my own emotions, having come so far, and now finding myself back in a familiar place that didn’t work before.  I have changed so much in what I do, believe, and feel, because I have had regrets.  I don’t want to leave an opportunity that I may regret later, for not finding out, not reaching out, not trying again.  Maybe I don’t make sense here, I’m just trying to express, the best way that I can, that I do want to enjoy life, live it abundantly, have purpose, and love live more fully. I’m looking forward to these next several months, because there is more around the next corner, I just need to be willing, to see it for what it really is, more than what I want it to be.


One thought on “X’s and Ohhhhs”

  1. Hey Paul,
    I read your post/blog and can relate…I don’t know if you have ever been married or have been single all these years but at our age it can be difficult to find the “right” person and chose who to give our love to completely. Our past experiences have shaped our thoughts and guarded our hearts. They influence our present situations and can leave an otherwise good situation or encounter with much promise laid to waste. It can be difficult to allow the heart to just feel, release and grow. The head wants to remind us of all the past. It’s a struggle. I have to disagree with our friend Tina, I do believe at some point you have to follow your heart. These are matters of the heart not the head. If the person you are referring to is a good person inside and feels the same about you and your hearts are connected then you can’t ask for anything better than that. No relationship is infallible, you do not have total control of any relationship, you do not want to have to control, it should just be…if God speaks to you both then there is a chance that it is exactly what you need to pursue. Good luck to you my friend….Tony

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