I’m on a mission. It’s not top-secret, I’m not in the military, I’m not in law enforcement, and I’m not paid to investigate. I am though, still on a mission to find a spiritual place to call home.
I thought that I had found a home but as I was experiencing my deepest pain and darkest time it seemed the people were too busy for me. They knew of my plight and they were busy with their own priorities. I don’t blame them completely, but I am hurt. Hurt that more didn’t reach out, call back, send an email or a card. I slumped into a dark place not because of this experience but because of my own.
I have been here before but I recognize that this isn’t God’s doing, or lack there of. This isn’t God’s fault, and I become sad when others try to blame God for things He doesn’t do. The reminder should be is that we are human and we do human things including failing each other. I could have reached out better in the midst of my personal storm. I slid into a funk and stayed there for several months.
So in the last several months I have started to search again. Visiting different and diverse places of worship. I have re-visited my former place and while I knew several folks, and they have moved into a new building, I haven’t really reconnected. I am trying to determine if I should just move on and search for something new. I was sad on Sunday because it’s was a birthday of a step-daughter, and I have no recourse to reach out. Cut off, because of all that happened. She doesn’t know the whole truth and it’s probably not a good time for her to know that, perhaps never a good time for that, but that didn’t help my sadness.
So here, in the midst of my mission, I reflect on what didn’t work right while trying to find the place that is right for me. My mission continues!