Letting go of a loved one

This isn’t the typical story of a common situation, mainly a love relationship, this is much deeper than that. This is about family and in this case the patriarch. I have struggled the last few days of needing to let go and letting God in this case, take over.  I don’t know if it is as simple as that, but I find myself wanting to hang on to something completely out of my control. My father is not doing well health wise, and he has decided to stop fighting for life and instead choosing to let go. To let go completely, and he is ready to pass onto the next life, the next world, the here after.

I struggle because selfishly, I want him “here” where I can talk to him, explore his past, and keep learning about the one I love so much. I hurt inside, I am so sad that I have to face this dilemma now, that I am unsure of what I can do, other than pray.  I feel so helpless, so far away, that it is difficult for me to accept that the end could be near, and I just don’t know what to do with that.  I struggle to understand why, why is this the case now, when just over a month ago, there was “fight in them bones”. What changed, where does this go,what will happen, what will happen to me?

I knew that this day was coming, but now it seems to be coming too quickly, and I am at a loss.  I would say, that if you believe in prayer, pray for me, and my dad. I’m not the only one who believes in prayer, and I don’t mind sharing that I need it too.  Sometimes that is all that I can do, is pray.

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