walk away or try harder

How do you decide when to walk away or try harder? It’s a question that I have pondered recently as I reflect on my past, consider my present, and contemplate my future. I have had many months of reflection, giving consideration to what has happened, what my role was/is, and what if anything needs to change next time.

I think there is a parental comment with the above, on try harder….if you don’t at first succeed, try, try, again. Isn’t that the line? Try again! With so much on the line on this journey called life, where did I learn that it was okay to walk away? I certainly didn’t gain that perspective from my father who left home at 17, traveled to another continent across the ocean, was bombed by both the axis and the allies during WW2 and lived to tell about it, and then live a long, fruitful, life. His example should have encouraged me to try harder.

I did try harder in many areas, and happy to have succeeded in several areas, but like most people I have regrets. Regrets for not trying harder in several areas. For me, these areas were relationships. I have recently been studying why I did things, to only learn that I made mistakes, based on error in judgement, or really how to live life fully and properly, with no regrets. I suppose there will always be some sort of regret, but I have really worked at self reflection, and discover what it is within me that led me down those paths. It’s been a rewarding experience, though many of the lessons I wish I had learned sooner. Ask more questions, risk more, share more, say what I think, more often, don’t settle for less, have more faith.

It has not been an easy road, and while I am more satisfied with life in general, with a lot of hope, anticipation, expectancy, I realize my life is missing some significant pieces. A loving relationship, my own family, a greater purpose. Don’t get me wrong, my journey has been filled with some incredible moments, wonderful opportunities and experiences, and I’m not sure that I would change anything, because all of those experiences have made me who I am today, and had I not gone through those things, I wouldn’t be where I am physically and mentally today.

I just have a greater hope of what will take place, what is to come, what is around the next corner. I have this, because of my faith, and because I recognize the change that is within me. I have a greater resolve to try harder next time, when my past would have said…..walk away.

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