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My life changed today

Who knew that a simple accident would cause such profound consequences and just 4 days ago I thought it was just a simple problem. Yep it was then that I fell, slipped in the mud, heard a snap, cried out in pain, and limped back up to a supposed “sprained ankle”. After returning to my hometown, after 3 long days of international travel, I realized today that my bone was broken.

Now it was not excruciating pain 4 days ago, it was an inconvenience. I hobbled around, packed my bags, rumbled through airports, arose early, went to bed late and finally returned home this AM and I knew what I needed to do first.

To get my ankle checked out. Since I was a hobbler, I needed to know the truth, to be set free, sorta.

The “snap” was bugging me, and I thought many times that was just a twig, my pants, anything but that “crack” sound in my brain. So here I sit, temp cast place, waiting for the next update and maybe stronger cast. I have lots to think about.

Driving, eating, cooking, sleeping, bathroom breaks, work, travel or not, dressing up, or down. Now I’m a bit tired trying to adjust to this time zone and get back to normal, but that seems so far off now.

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X’s and Ohhhhs

My life has been turned upside down, sorta.  I have had to deal with ex’s and have found new meaning in ohhhhhs as in OMG.  I find myself in these unique circumstances and I’m not exactly sure how I got here. Does this sound confusing already??? Anyone who has had any kind of serious relationship knows what I am talking about when I say” I had to deal with the Ex again……”, because that scenario is like a merry-go-round in this journey called life.

My Ohhhhhhs have been of a different twist. As in OMG, on who I have met recently and trying to figure out what to do.  I’m not a “playa” by any stretch of the imagination, but I have found myself, in this quite large  city to be involved with individuals that are connected in a small circle of people.  I didn’t plan it that way, and I certainly didn’t hope that I would have to deal with what I have, but I have had to let two friends go, because I didn’t want to deal with pending drama.  My experiences with these ladies had been unique and quite different from each other in their likes, knowledge, education, outlook on life, and what they considered fun, and I was right there in the middle of it, trying to figure out which way was up, and which way should I go, because I really had no clue.  Neither of them fit my profile for a long-term relationship, I just wanted to enjoy the single life I find myself in, trying to manage my job, my budget, and my experiences.

In fact I review what my life has been, and I see failure, and rejection, and recently I found more interest and acceptance than what I have found in a long time, actually ever.  I think my turnaround has been the fact that I have pushed myself into situations that I was hesitant about following thru on, the rejection, and all the other feelings that are pushed out there.

I know everyone is different. I have friends that choose to view life through rose-colored glasses, rather than the pure light, and others that are focused on what was, rather than what is.  I faced some of that too, and I had to make a choice on what was my future to be.  I’m still unsure, and now even more so, since my ex has re-entered the picture.  Do you believe in 2nd chances, do you believe in Love at first sight, do you believe that everything happens for a reason, do you believe you can start over, do you believe…..

I struggle with my own emotions, having come so far, and now finding myself back in a familiar place that didn’t work before.  I have changed so much in what I do, believe, and feel, because I have had regrets.  I don’t want to leave an opportunity that I may regret later, for not finding out, not reaching out, not trying again.  Maybe I don’t make sense here, I’m just trying to express, the best way that I can, that I do want to enjoy life, live it abundantly, have purpose, and love live more fully. I’m looking forward to these next several months, because there is more around the next corner, I just need to be willing, to see it for what it really is, more than what I want it to be.

4 Deer, Max & I

I was getting ready to take Max for his morning stroll, when I gazed upon the valley in which we would walk. To my surprise in this vast array of homes along a man made valley, were 4 deer. They were no doubt grazing upon the berries and grasses in the field, out of the way of the sidewalks and the homes on either side, it was though surprising to me.

I have always been enamored with wildlife up close, eagles, deer, raccoons, on occasion snakes, mammals and amphibians. This was no exception, though I know in many parts of the country, and even here, mule deer are considered a pest, and bull elk, though majestic, the same way.

I prepared Max for the walk, and as we exited the home, and made our way to the valley.  I remembered yesterday seeing deer tracks or so I thought.  My suspicions now confirmed, though they were grazing later than I expected, as it was time for work, I thought!  As Max and I started down the path, the crunching of the ice beneath my feet, from the snow the day before, I surely thought this would sound the alarm to the deer and off they would go.  I even saw a few do just that down the gulch of this man made valley, we would commonly call a drainage ditch. I crunched along as Max smelled scents left behind that only he could sense and as we came to the curve, I realized that we were in a staring match with one of the deer, the one without the horns….I’m sure there is a correct word for this, but I suggested to Max that we turn around. I figured they needed to graze, I didn’t want to impede upon them, they  were there first, right??

We reversed course, back towards home, I occasionally glanced to see if they were still there or not, they were, like Custer’s Last Stand…  Good for them, and good for us, that we can cohabitate in the area we call home.  Max and I of course made it home without incident, I wasn’t expecting any.  I glanced again, wondering if they made it down to the next valley, across the road into the next development….I think I saw one or two near with the others having moved on.  My morning walk, now made that much more enjoyable, with a sighting of a bit of nature and Max and I.

Football and I….

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I have typically held football at more than an arm’s length away, really most sports. I played little league football and baseball, but I just didn’t have the skills that everyone else had, or maybe I just didn’t take the time.  Perhaps because of those circumstances, I didn’t become an aficionado of sports as I had other interests at heart. Music, Scouts, Explorers, YMCA, travel, and other interests.  I  had the opportunity to see the Tampa Bay Bucs and Miami Dolphins at their stadiums, and I have met a few professional players over the years, but it was just a Sunday afternoon interest, and most times not that important.  Growing up I also watched the Pittsburgh Steelers because of the connection the Rooney family had with the community in which I grew up, as distant as it was from Pittsburgh.

This past year however, football has become a big interest to me.  Maybe it’s because I live in Denver, and Bronco fever is everywhere, maybe because it’s Peyton Manning, and the great quarterback that he is, and what he personally stands for, that I am aware of, either way, I have become a more aware fan and not just for the Broncos, but also those that stand in the way of their goals and dreams. I have had the great opportunity to attend a few Bronco games via friends, and I am grateful for those opportunities, tickets come at a premium, and I have some great friends!

So now I feel I have the “bug” for football. Not crazy stuff like deck my room in the team colors, and change all  my utensils to orange and blue, though I like the FL Gators too, for many reasons, but all the same, I am a more intentional fan.  Tonight I was hoping the Ravens would win, that the Patriots would lose and that the Cowboys would win, but alas, like so many, I don’t get what I want.  I even had to pay a very small wager to a friend when I was certain the Broncos would win over the Colts, much to my chagrin….oh well.

So, the bottom line is this. I am not a football expert. I don’t have ESPN Red Zone piping into my smart phone….yet., I don’t play FF, but I will next year, but this time next year, I will be a totally different football fan, and I can’t wait to see what 2014 brings in my direction!

In the beginning…..

Image For years I have thought about writing a blog, and I have kept thinking about it until today. Today  I decided to get started and actually do something about it!  I have a lot of ideas of what I want to share, but I promise you, I will keep it real!  I am grateful for my European heritage, my upbringing, and my experiences, my faith, my journey, if you will. They all have made me who I am today, and in time, I will share some of that here, but more importantly, I press on! My grammar may not be perfect, my sentence structure out of whack, but all of that and more, will just show you, I am just keeping it real!  2013 was a crazy year for me in so many ways; relationships, career, faith, friendships, interests, and new directions.  I’m looking forward to this blog, learning how to improve, build, sharing, and meeting new friends. Like I have written, I have a lot of ideas to share and a lot of interests as you will soon see. I look forward to you joining me on my journey, I have nothing to lose and so much to gain!