Tag Archives: despair

The battle within


These stones were used for grinding grain into flour a hundred or more years ago in Scandinavia. I think of these wheels that keep on turning, ’round n’round…..

It’s those wheels, symbolic of what’s inside of me that keeps turning and churning and I wonder when it’s going to stop. The seeds of disappointment, the grains of “I’m not good enough”, how do I measure my worth?  Am I important to you? The self doubt that I don’t share with anyone because doing so, exposes my flaws and weaknesses. 

The battle within continues, it’s more difficult when there is someone within reach, worth reaching out to, only to have the battle in the way…. Maybe I am alone in this war of worth and self worth but my logic says I am not alone. 

My faith keeps me grounded, but I share this with you only to say that I am human, and I deal with these emotions often, that with faith I wonder how I would survive if I didn’t have it. 

How about you my long lost friend? Do you have a battle within that you struggle with? Is it love? Self worth? Addiction? 

I think I am on the cusp of something big, though the fog is keeping it all unclear….I’ll keep fighting because I don’t like or want the alternative, it is the only way I know. I’m just keeping it real with you. 

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