Last night I was participating in a Mardi Gras Pub Crawl, an activity that has you bar-hopping with a group of friends. It was Mardi Gras celebration, at least the best kind you can have in Denver, CO. Of course the festivities circled around having beer, beads, and a merry time.
After the 4th establishment, and walking around in 20 degree weather, I decided it was time to head home. I searched my pockets and my jacket only to determine that I had lost my car keys. Despair had fallen upon me, as this had never happened to me in my memory, and I was just shy of freaking out. Being the calm, cool, collected guy that I am, I set out on a mission. Before I left on my search I had confirmed with a friend that I may need their help to return home though I was not sure what good that was since I had no keys to enter the home, and was not sure what the garage code was.
I retraced my every step, including the steps in between, to those pit stop areas. My first 3 stops, though not in the order that I visited them, all came up short, but the 4th stop held success! MY keys, in all their glory, were to be found.
I quickly realized how stupid I had been in not checking before moving on, arguing with myself on why I had my whole set of keys and why didn’t I just left them in the car and carried my spare. I continued on my self bashing on all the silly reasons this had come to pass in the first place. I of course let my friend know that they no longer needed to wait for me, as I had recovered my keys.
I had been in a series of karma related snafus recently and I just thought that this was part of that punishment for what I had done, or what I was doing, and fully deserved my punishment.
As I reflected today, the day after, on this bizarre experience, I could easily relate my lost keys to other elements in my past relationship as points to ponder for self-reflection. That is, when I think I have lost something valuable, I retraced my steps to determine where did I go wrong, and what can I do to recover. I’m trying to explain it better, but just suffice to say, that I have experienced a “lost keys” feeling in my past relationship.
I have been doing more reflecting as of late to determine what actions, or in-actions, I do, and how does that relate to intimacy in relationships. What actions, or behaviors “keys” have I done, and what were the results of those actions. This probably doesn’t relate to you at all, but as I was thinking today, I have been in plenty of situations, where my actions, or those of my lover, sent me into a spiral of despair, trying to figure out, where did it all go wrong, and I set about to retrace my steps.
My search in what I did, and how I did it, helped to pinpoint what the issue was/ is. Sometimes those keys were right on the counter, or right on the tip of my tongue, and so I found them quickly, other times the search was more detailed, more deliberate in discovering the truth, and those often took time to get everything back on track. Am I making sense here?? I see now that some of the experiences I have had relate much in the same way of how I felt last night.
Wondering where my keys were, wondering if I would find them, wondering if I had to start all over, or when I found them, was it okay to start where I left off?? I’m actually in that process now. Having lost my keys, and then found them, and wondering if I can just pick up from where I left off.
Relationships are not that simple, at least not in my situation. I find that I don’t want to start back, where I left off, or where it all ended. I find myself wanting something new, or having a new set a keys that I know will work, cut from new steel, shaped in a new way, maybe the material is stronger, lighter, more true. Losing my keys certainly put me on an adventure, to find the truth, to discover where I left them, and what would I be doing differently once I found them. Those were the thoughts I had today. It was great to find the keys, but as I relate it to relationships, some keys are just not worth keeping. Some I just need to throw away, and find a new key, to open a new door, a new lock, and let me pass through. It was somewhat like a new revelation had been upon me.
Yes, it’s good to hang on the keys you need, but sometimes you just need to lose the keys that you have, so that you can change direction, with a new set of keys. The more I thought about that today, the more I just wanted to throw my keys away!